I wrote a letter, a letter out of boredom. Now the letter isn’t persuasive, it isn’t to pull her. It’s not even mandatory that she read’s it. I just felt like writing, I don’t know if she’ll ever read it, when she’ll ever read it, but I know it would be her favorite letter for the rest of her life. It isn’t the cliche ” I love you, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you” letter. I just jot down my understandings, What I know I did wrong, IN details how I can fix things, and I know it, I KNOW it, She would love it, she would know that I never had to do any growing up, I just had to catch up with my self, because I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. The space she needs didn’t and won’t only help her it will and did help me. Which only equals one thing. A good relationship, because just a couple of weeks ago, she blogged and wrote things that were the most sweetest things she’s ever said about me. I refuse to believe that those feelings just go away and all the sudden aren’t enough when at a moment, she wanted to have a future with me, she saw it and loved the picture. I blame my self for everything that has happen between us, I deserve every heart ache she’s given me, for I turned into a monster, but she can say bye bye to the monster I once turned into and meet ME again. Because ALEXIS is back. Now I went a little out of hand yesterday…But..I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t out of obsession , It was out of extreme boredom and miss. I didn’t intend to appear as Mark. I don’t wanna be the person you avoid, you despise. Therefore, I am giving her all the space she needs so that we can give this another try. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she meets ME again.
I love it, The smell, the energy. BUt…I miss the benefits. I remember when I used to get smiles across, Rosalba would thank me so much, she’d always everyday take some time out of the end of the day to tell me how thankful she is in more then one sentence now it’s like, shes gotten so used to the help, It doesn’t really mean much to her. When in reality she doesn’t notice what I”m throwing away, I don’t have a problem Throwing away anything as long as she makes it worth it. I like for her to know that I’d suffer for her and with her. But what do I get? nothing, and if I’m not gonna get anything at least some how make it worth it, a huge hug? pay? a giant kiss? I don’t know.