Don't punch the walls! just type

I wrote a letter, a letter out of boredom. Now the letter isn’t persuasive, it isn’t to pull her. It’s not even mandatory that she read’s it. I just felt like writing, I don’t know if she’ll ever read it, when she’ll ever read it, but I know it would be her favorite letter for the rest of her life. It isn’t the cliche ” I love you, I wanna spend the rest of my life with you” letter. I just jot down my understandings, What I know I did wrong, IN details how I can fix things, and I know it, I KNOW it, She would love it, she would know that I never had to do any growing up, I just had to catch up with my self, because I couldn’t even recognize myself anymore. The space she needs didn’t and won’t only help her it will and did help me. Which only equals one thing. A good relationship, because just a couple of weeks ago, she blogged and wrote things that were the most sweetest things she’s ever said about me. I refuse to believe that those feelings just go away and all the sudden aren’t enough when at a moment, she wanted to have a future with me, she saw it and loved the picture. I blame my self for everything that has happen between us, I deserve every heart ache she’s given me, for I turned into a monster, but she can say bye bye to the monster I once turned into and meet ME again. Because ALEXIS is back. Now I went a little out of hand yesterday…But..I didn’t mean to, it wasn’t out of obsession , It was out of extreme boredom and miss. I didn’t intend to appear as Mark. I don’t wanna be the person you avoid, you despise. Therefore, I am giving her all the space she needs so that we can give this another try. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when she meets ME again.

p.s I don’t like him, but I don’t think that matters to you.

I love it, The smell, the energy. BUt…I miss the benefits. I remember when I used to get smiles across, Rosalba would thank me so much, she’d always everyday take some time out of the end of the day to tell me how thankful she is in more then one sentence now it’s like, shes gotten so used to the help, It doesn’t really mean much to her. When in reality she doesn’t notice what I”m throwing away, I don’t have a problem Throwing away anything as long as she makes it worth it. I like for her to know that I’d suffer for her and with her. But what do I get? nothing, and if I’m not gonna get anything at least some how make it worth it, a huge hug? pay? a giant kiss? I don’t know.

The only men you never came with stories about. Everytime you chilled, nothing, not even a second longer hug, not even a second longer kiss, not even a weird look, not a weird touch, NOTHING! they are real men! Why can’t people be more like them? I swear if you asked me if you can sleep over juans house for day’s I would say yes, same thing with marcos. It’s not like they go petting your hair, calling you cute, asking you to fuck, trying to kiss you. They step the fuck back wether I”m around or not, Now If they did the little things, I wouldn’t give a fuck, YOU just have to understand that i distrust then trust, because I see there man side. So stop  backing niggas up, just because what they did is “in the past” just because there a natural flirt. I have all the right in the fucking world to look at them the way I do just because they had/have the audacity to even do things like that with out even 1. knowing me 2. apologizing to me 3. apologizing to you. They haven’t took the time out of there life to feel that way. All because your personality is just FRIENDLY. And you have a little bit of to much trust in people that don’t fully deserve it. But when your too friendly, you make them feel like it’s alright to do those things. And if your not gonna say anything, atleast show the offense in your face. I mean he asked you if you wanted to have sex, what did you ever say? well, what ever it was you did, wether he apologized or not, wether he even felt the wrong in it or not, you still wanna talk to him. And I know you have to give people chances, but god damn, that was too generous. And it’s not so much like this is something you should wanna change, that you want me to stop doing, but if I can let you do the things you wanna do, even if they hurt, just because that’s you and that’s always been you, I let things slide. I LIVE with it. I DEAL with it. But you can’t seem to live with any boundary I have, something that just makes me feel comfortable. No, you don’t. A matter a fact, you take more and more away from me for you. And, i’ll let you do that,…but don’t take advantage. What if one day I wanted you to stop asking me who I’m texting, and then day’s of trust you just see Melany’s name, or Sammies, or some other random girls name? I don’t give a fuck what you say, wether you wanna admit it or not, I know that you will feel a burn. You will feel a tiny rage in you. What if me knowing Lizz is a flirt, that she gets attached to guys, I spend time with her anyway, And i chill with her anyway. And when she pulls a move, I just let it happen all because shes a natural flirt. It just doesn’t make sense.. it’s gonna bother anyway. When you see a wall Post you don’t like I don’t like, and you feel very.. eh about it, when you feel like doing something, I let you, and even if you didn’t by just telling me it bother’s you, I would do something about it, and even if I had the thought that it may bother you, I do something about it. even if I knew them for long, because I know that it doesn’t matter they still did what they did, and You deserve all  the respect you can get because you are my wife.to talk about the woman I love like this, but you give me a reason to sometimes..Don’t get me wrong though, unlike you, the good times over whelm the bad times. You know just how to put a smile on my face, it’s been a while since you actually ever told me you love me , first or that you still wanna spend the rest of your life with me. I know you still do, but it’s nice to hear it once in a while anyway, right? I mean you should know, i do it to you all the time. I love you.

I don’t know about you,…but You have changed a little, some for the better some for the eh. Lately, you haven’t been wanting to talk on the phone. And after that whole thing you pulled off, the thought of you talking to some one else on the phone has been getting to me. Is there ever anyone else you talk on the phone with other then me and marcos?